That kind of love
by mshepburning
Summary: Finn and Rachel meet again at Will and Emma's wedding.


**AN**: Hello, dears. Well, with everything that's been going on and the fact we don't know much about what will happen to our Finchel, this came to my mind today as some way of relief.

Happy reading!

xx

A wedding… It's pretty weird to think about two people getting married, now. Painful, even. Standing here and waiting. Waiting for two people to say those beautiful wedding vowels, waiting for two people to promise forever and always to each other, waiting for two people to leave this place as husband and wife. Two people that are not her and Finn.

How drastically your life can change within minutes is astounding. Within minutes she passed from the girl who was about to marry the love of her life to just a girl. Not having Finn made her numb, made her normal, regular. She didn't like that at all. She wanted to keep feeling special, after all, that's what she always wanted to feel like. And he took that from her when he decided to set her free.

She spent months cursing him in her thoughts. She spent months feeling the pain of not having him around, such a ridiculously hard pain, she could literally feel it on her body. She spent months being mad at him for leaving her. She spent months trying to teach herself how to be without him. She spend months trying to teach herself to forget him. Until she finally realized she couldn't do any of those things anymore.

It was consuming her, eating her from the inside out. Trying to find reasons, explanations. Blaming him, blaming her. And then she understood that there was no point in it. Whatever his motives were, he did it. He was in the army, or wherever he was, and she was in New York City, taking the first steps to reach the stardom she always dreamed about.

When he did it, when he surrendered and asked for her to surrender as well, he said that he was setting her free because he knew she was something special, because he wanted her to achieve her Broadway dreams. And if that meant he had to let her go, he would, because that was how much he loved her. She still can hear his voice saying this if she closes her eyes. In fact, a day doesn't go by without her re-playing all those images inside her head.

Now everything is so different from what they wanted things to be like. There was no "our future" anymore. It was her future. It was his future. There were no more plans about what color to paint the kitchen with, about how Sunday would be his day to watch sports and Saturday would be her day to watch musicals on TV, about how they would ride their bicycles all around Central Park, about how they would make love in every single room of their shoe box apartment the first day they got there.

There were no more Finn and Rachel. There was no Mrs. Hudson Berry anymore. And while she's trying to pay attention to Mr. Schues's promises to Emma, her mind travels away and loses itself on everything that's happened, and her eyes betray her rationality as they meet Finn's.

xx

She looks so utterly beautiful. She's wearing a navy blue dress that accents every single curve of her perfect body and leaves her back completely nude. And it's so hard to see her like this, even more beautiful than his memory would do her justice. She has highlights in her hair, she looks older, stronger, way less fragile. And it sucks. It sucks to realize that she doesn't need him like she did one day.

He still questions if he did the right thing. Actually, he knows it was the right thing for her, because she's right where she should be, but he knows for a fact it wasn't the right thing for him. What else in his life is – _was _right besides Rachel? He still doesn't know how he did it, because when he remembers the way she cried and the way he hurt her, hurt him, he literally feels his heart getting smaller and smaller inside his chest and it's like he can't breathe.

That must be _that_ kind of love. That kind of love when you put the one you love as your main priority, as even more important than your own happiness. He would do anything for her, without even thinking about it. He let her go because being miserable without her, knowing she's happy, is worth it.

He just really hopes that their love, _his love_, is also that kind of love that can bring two people back together.

And he really hopes she feels this way too.

xx

Apparently, she's going to sing. He should have figured this would happen, it is Rachel right there, but it doesn't make it any less hard for him to handle. It was when he heard her sing for the first time, that he really felt something for her, so it's not like hearing her sing right now will help him.

She gets up from her chair and Santana and Kurt, who are sitting right next to her, begin to shout her name. When she finally reaches the stage and stands behind the microphone, he swears she's the most beautiful creature he has ever seen.

"Good evening, everyone." She says and her voice is so sweet, she doesn't even sound nervous and God, he missed her more than he'd like to. "I'd like to call the golden couple of the night and ask for them to share their very first dance as husband and wife."

Everyone's clapping their hands and laughing and staring at Mr. and Mrs. Schuester, but Finn can't bring himself to take his eyes off of Rachel, nor does he want to.

"So", Rachel continues, "I'm going to sing a classic from the 80's, and it's not quite a happy song, but the bride told me how much she loves it, and I hope it will be special enough for you both."

"Great, you are not singing Barbra Streisand!" Santana yells in her very Santana way, while everybody starts to laugh.

"No, I'm not, San", Rachel replies laughing as Santana blows her a kiss. "Anyway, you both are two of the most amazing people I know. You're part of me and I wouldn't be where I am in my life right now without you", she swallows and Finn knows her enough to tell she's about to cry. "And I just wanted to tell you I wish a lifetime of love, of joy, of music and happiness. You are meant to be, and you deserve that."

Finn frowns a little at the thought that he and Rachel are meant to be as well, but everything else vanishes when he hears her sing.

_I don't wanna talk_

_About things we've gone through_

_Though it's hurting me_

_Now it's history_

_I've played all my cards_

_And that's what you've done too_

_Nothing more to say_

_No more aces to play_

Finn doesn't want to seem too presumptuous, but the way she's singing those lyrics make him feel like she's singing for him, like she's singing about their story.

_The winner takes it all_

_The loser standing small_

_Beside the victory_

_That's a destiny_

He can see little tears forming on the corner of her eyes and he would fool himself about how she cries every single time she sings a solo if she wasn't singing this song.

_I was in your arms_

_Thinking I belonged there_

_I figured it made sense_

_Building me a fence_

_Building me a home_

_Thinking I'd be strong there_

_But I was a fool_

_Playing by the rules_

Finn closes his eyes now and can literally feel how good it was to have her in his arms. It didn't matter if they were being lazy on bed and she was pressed against his flesh after rounds and rounds of love making or if she was simply hugging him and saying hello, good morning, good night or bye, it was like she belonged there.

_The gods may throw a dice_

_Their minds as cold as ice_

_And someone way down here_

_Loses someone dear_

_The winner takes it all_

_The loser has to fall_

_It's simple and it's plain_

_Why should I complain?_

She's not looking at him yet, and he doesn't know if she's going to, but he knows exactly what she means, why she's singing this song, and it has nothing to do with the fact that it's a classic from ABBA or that Ms. Schuester loves it.

_But tell me does she kiss_

_Like I used to kiss you?_

_Does it feel the same_

_When she calls your name?_

_Somewhere deep inside_

_You must know I miss you_

_But what can I say?_

_Rules must be obeyed._

And then when she finally looks at him, like she wants to see his reaction, like she's actually asking him and not just singing the lyrics, it hurts. It hurts really bad because he's totally broken since the day he put her on a train and he's just pretending to be moving on with his life, and seeing her like this, singing this song and looking all fragile again, make him question if she's so happy like he thought she would be.

_The judges will decide_

_The likes of me abide_

_Spectators of the show_

_Always staying low_

_The game is on again_

_A lover or a friend_

_A big thing or a small_

_The winner takes it all_

She's not staring at him anymore, and he's actually glad she isn't because when he notices, he feels a tear streaming down his cheek, wiping it away without moving his eyes off of her not even for a second.

_I don't wanna talk_

_If it makes you feel sad_

_And I understand_

_You've come to shake my hand_

_I apologize_

_If it makes you feel bad_

_Seeing me so tense_

_No self confidence_

_But you see_

_The winner takes it all_

Rachel holds on the last note in that way only she could ever do and he manages to smile because her voice is just so heavenly and everyone is so mesmerized by it, just like he is, just like he always is.

_The winner takes it all _

She sings the last verse almost in a whisper and as the couple shares another kiss, everyone's clapping and Finn still doesn't look at anyone besides her.

xx

She's drinking her champagne alone in the bar, since everyone's on the dance floor, dancing to the sound of Santana's and Kurt's voices mixed up in this amazing duet they are doing. Nobody needs to tell her that Finn is right behind her, because she could feel his scent and his presence from miles away. She knows he's so close that he could reach out and touch her bare back, but he probably won't, and it hurts her. It hurts her because he's Finn, and he's supposed to touch her, he's supposed to hold her, he's supposed to kiss her.

Just like he's supposed to marry her. Or was, at least.

Things change, isn't that what they say?

"Hi…", he says after clearing his throat, and she immediately close her eyes because his voice still the same, and it still has that special tone when he's talking about her or to her. So, she thinks not everything has completely changed.

She's a little resistant at first, but it's not like she could have this conversation – or whatever this is going to be – with Finn facing her back, so she turns around. "Hi."

And when they finally lock eyes for the first time after months, she's pretty sure that nothing has changed, nothing at all.

He stares at her for what it feels like hours with his tender eyes, the same look he used to have on his face every single time she said _I love you_, or when they were making love, or when he proposed, or when she said yes, or when he saw her in her wedding dress. Like she's the most perfectly exquisite work of art to ever exist.

"You look…", and he looks at every single part of exposed skin, leaving this loud sigh as he'd been holding it for minutes, "I don't think any word could really match with how amazing you look, but I'll go with stunning. You look stunning…"

She smiles and blushes because how could she not? It's not some random guy hitting on her and saying this just to get some. It's Finn. _(Her) Finn. _

"Thank you", she says smiling and looking down at her dress. "Kurt and Santana helped me to pick it out this week. We were walking in New York and when we saw it on the showcase of Bloomingdale's, they forced me to try it and I just had to buy it."

She's not sure why she's talking about this right now, but she thinks it's a good way to release some of the tension.

"I'm glad you did. It's like it was meant for you to wear it." He says frankly, and then he gives her this smile – the smile he used to save just for her – and she sees his dimples and _damn him._

"You know, you look very handsome yourself…" Rachel says as she fights her inner urge to reach out her hands and press them on his chest and shoulders, which seems to be so much broader now.

"Thank you. Of course you know this has Kurt's fingers in it", Finn says laughing, pointing at his suit.

"Of course." She replies, giving him back a smile and then taking a last sip of her champagne.

It's a silent for a little while, and the words leave his mouth before he can stop them. "Could we go somewhere quiet for, like, talk or something?"

She gives him her warning look he knows so very well, so he continues. "C'mon, Rach, I would love to hear everything about your life right now from someone that's not Kurt."

Rachel knows she shouldn't, she knows she couldn't, but it's him and it's her and she really can't help herself. "Ok. Let me just ask for another glass of champagne, and then we can go. You want one?"

_I want you_ is everything he wants to say. "Trying to get me drunk, Berry?"

"I never needed to play those games, Hudson."

She's right, and _shit_, she has him wrapped around her fingers still. "I'll second that. But I guess it would be rude of me not to join you, right?"

"Good thing you're still so chivalrous…" she whispers and they share those same longing looks they shared when they weren't together but couldn't think about anything else than being together.

"Well, I guess some things just don't change", he says before grabbing the two glasses and giving one to her.

"I guess so", she answers him with a knowing smile and raising her glass. "Cheers."

"Cheers."

xx

They are walking inside the parking lot of the hotel where the ceremony is happening, talking about random things about their daily lives, both glasses already empty in their hands. It's quiet for a moment and Finn can't fight it anymore.

"Who's Brody?" he asks in a low whisper she almost misses.

"Uh", she really doesn't know what so say, because she's so caught off guard by his question, so she does it the only way she thinks she could. "Who's Emily?"

And then it's quiet again.

"Point taken… Look, Rachel, I –"

"Finn, I get it. I do, ok." She says and he keeps looking at her with surprised eyes so she continues. "Look, I don't know about you and her - and Emily, but, I felt so miserable and so alone and I - it happened. It doesn't really mean anything, it doesn't. It's just…"

"Easy, convenient." He finishes her sentence. "He's there for you."

"Exactly, like she's there for you."

"Well, it doesn't make it any less painful. It doesn't make me any happier. It doesn't fix me. And it definitely doesn't mean I love you any less."

"Finn…" she whispers closing her eyes and her face is begging for him to stop because she can't deal with this again. Not right now.

"Why did you sing that song?" Finn asks looking straight at her.

"I – what does it have to do with anything, anyway?" Rachel asks him back, crossing her arms. "It's a really good song and – and they both love ABBA, so…"

"No, this is not the reason you sang it. Tell me the reason, Rachel, I – I need to know the reason."

"Finn…" she whispers laughing a little, like she did when he said something silly, shaking her head. "You know the reason. I know you do."

"Rachel…" he says taking a step towards her and she immediately takes a step back.

"We should go back there, ok? People are probably missing us, and"

"I don't care", Finn says grabbing her hand and turning her around and before she can even process what's going on she's pressed against his chest and his strong hand is on her lower back while the other one is still holding her hand and she feels like her body is whole again for the first time in months, but she _can't_.

"Finn…" she whispers looking up at him, "please, let me go."

"You don't want me to let you go." He says with this husky voice and she closes her eyes because their mouths are _so close_. "Do you?" and as he asks her again his grip gets tighter on her back.

She doesn't say anything because of course she doesn't want him to let her go. She never did. But he did it anyway, so what's the point of going through all of this once again?

"I already let you go one time…" he whispers before tracing his fingertips on her face and she don't think she's ever seen that look in his face. "I'm not letting you go again."

And she's already with her eyes closed because she knows what he's going to do, and he does it. He kisses her. And when she realizes it, she drops the empty glass on the ground and wraps her arms around his neck, playing with the hair on the back of his head with her hands. Their tongues are feeling one another and she can't even process what's happening with her body right now. Her knees are so, so week, and he notices it, grabbing her up and making her wrap her legs around his torso, and he run his hands all over her legs to get her dress up.

She's kissing Finn and he tastes like her Finn, he tastes like strawberry and champagne and home and future all wrapped in one. Now that she's kissing him again she can't understand how she tried to convince herself that she could ever live without him.

She _can't_.

She manages it, she survives. But that's not living.

He's kissing her like all the air he needs in order to breathe can only be found in her mouth, and it feels so good, it feels so right. She's fixing him, she can fix anything.

They break the kiss when their lungs are out of air, breathing heavily and smiling wildly like they haven't in a long time. Finn's about to say something, but Rachel cuts him, kissing him hungrily again.

"I need you", she whispers against his mouth and_ God_, he needs her too.

"Rach…" he moans on her mouth, squeezing her legs lightly with his hands, making his way up her butt.

"Please, Finn." She says in a voice that's full of lust before taking his earlobe between her teeth. "I do, I need you." She feels his erection and she rubs herself as a statement of her point.

"I need you too." Finn replies as he holds her tight against his body, like he's afraid she could vanish or something. "I always need you, you have no idea." And then he's kissing her mouth again and she can't take it any longer.

"Where's your car?" She asks grinning at him.

_Of course._

He presses a light kiss on the tip of her nose and begins to walk with her still in his arms – right where she belongs – until they reach his car. Thankfully, he has his keys inside his pocket and when he opens the door, he gets in the car first, sitting on the back seat, and she follows his lead, straddling his lap.

"Hey you." He whispers before kissing her softly on the lips.

"Hi." She replies giggling, deepening the kiss.

"God, I missed your laugh." He says between the open mouth kisses he's pressing all over her exposed cleavage.

She fists his hair with her hands and presses her hips a little harder against his, making them both moan. "Did you miss me screaming your name?" she whispers against his ears.

"Yes…" he says as his hands reach where she's been craving them to, cupping her through her cotton panties, making her throw her head back. "I missed how good you feel when I'm inside you. I missed how you sound when you come. I missed your sweet taste. I missed your skin against mine. I missed every little part of you, so, so terribly…"

"Oh God, Finn... I – More…" is everything she manages to say.

He slowly, painfully so, puts her panties aside and starts to press his middle finger lightly against her wetness. She was just as soft as he remembered and he wanted to take his time enjoying every little second of it. He missed it way too much.

But Rachel had other plans.

She needed him, and she needed him now.

"Finn…" She whispers before putting her hands on his erection and cupping him through his pants. "I need you."

"Shit…" Finn murmurs, slowing entering his finger all the way inside her. "I'm right here."

"No, I need you." Rachel says before taking his hand away from her center and unzipping his pants. "I need all of you. I need to feel – to be whole again, please?"

The fact she even asks.

He kisses her like he used to when he didn't know what to say but wanted her to feel his love for her someway. And she knows that's why he's doing it, so she cups his face with her hands and he holds her so tightly he's literally squeezing her, and she smiles when they break the kiss.

His eyes tell so much. Her eyes tell so much. It's not like they need any words.

And when he's finally inside her and they are moving erratically, fingers intertwined and locked eyes, sweaty faces and huge smiles, they both know how much they still love each other, and how there is no way this could ever really change.

She's being filled by him and he's surrounded by her, and it's so much more than sex or love making, even. He's inside her in so many different ways, and so is she. As she begs for him to go faster and deeper and he obeys, they both know it's not only their bodies that are being fused.

It's like it's just one heart beating and one same soul indwelling one same body.

After they both come down from their orgasms, they keep staring at each other, like they always did. He's running his fingers through her very much longer hair, and she's tracing the lines of his face with her fingertips, like she's counting his freckles or something, even though she knows the number by heart.

"I love you so, so much. I really wish I could say something that really could cover my feelings for you, but…"

"I know you do, Finn." And then she smiles that beautiful smile that he considers able of ending with anything that's bad in the world. "And I love you so, so much."

"I want you to know that I did everything I did because I love you more than anything, Rachel." His voice is trembling and she doesn't think they should talk about this right now.

"Shh…" She whispers before pressing a sweet kiss on his lips. "I know you did, you don't have to do this now. We can't deal with this right now, Finn."

"But I want to be with you. God, I need you so much more than you need me…"

"I will always be here. You don't need to come to New York to live with me just because you need me. I know you have to work on some stuff about the army, about your father, and I didn't get to say this to you, but I'm so proud of you. You are a true hero, Finn. Now more than ever."

And for the first time in months he feels good enough again.

"And when you're ready to come live with me, whenever you decide you are, I'll be there waiting."

"I'm so, so sorry for everything I did, for all the pain I've caused you…" He says putting his hands on the sides of her face and drinking her in.

"Well, I guess it's just part of our history." She smiles. "We seem to keep finding our ways back into each other's lives every time."

"That's because we never really leave each other's lives in the first place." Finn says, cupping her cheeks.

"Maybe you're right."

"So, we're doing this, right? For real this time? You and me, no more screwing things up?" He asks, resting his forehead against hers and looking straight in her eyes.

"Never again." She says and then seals her words with a kiss. "Even if I'm in New York and you are wherever you are, we can do this… Right?"

"Baby, if is there any couple who could do it, it's us."

"You know, remember how you said we should let the universe do its thing, and that if we were meant to be together we would?" She asks.

He nods, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear, and she keeps talking.

"Well, I think the universe has already proven to us enough times that, no matter what happens, we'll always be meant to be."

"I think that our love is what people would call once in a lifetime kind of love."

She smiles. Because the love of her life is right there saying this and she can't_ not_ smile.

"I really, really missed you…" And she feels like crying, and Finn seems to realize it, because he's immediately kissing her fiercely to snap every possible thought out of her mind.

"No more crying, no more hurting." He whispers against her mouth and she nods so he keeps pressing light kisses all over her face because he _can_. "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you."

"Do you, now?" She says barely in a whisper on his ear and he nods, nipping at the skin of her collarbone. "How much do you love me, exactly?"

He stops his ministrations and he's sure she whimpers a little when he does it, but he just has to meet her gaze to answer her. "So, so much. More than anything. More than you'll ever know. More than I'll ever be capable of explaining."

"Maybe we could spend a few more hours here…" she says all innocently, playing with his tie. "… and you could show me how much."

"It's not like I could ever deny you something, right?" Finn asks before kissing her and biting her bottom lip, teasing her.

"Accurate." She whispers before wraping her arms around his neck once again and kissing him again.

Whatever else in the world loses its meaning as they keep loving each other senseless, and for the first time in months, everything seems to be exactly where it should be.

They'll make it.

xx

**AN**: Ok, what did you guys think of it? Well, first, the song is called "The Winner Takes it All", from ABBA, and since the Goodbye episode, every single time I hear this song I think about Finchel. Also, I chose the name Emily because of Ross and Rachel's history, of course. Anyway, I really loved writing this, and I hope you enjoyed reading it as well. Please, I would love some feedback. Reviews are love! Thanks for reading, xx.


End file.
